Read this from one of those twitter pages dedicated to sentimental/bitter quotes. This simple phrase never escaped my mind, because this is exactly what I have been struggling on for days now. I’m a sucker for honesty. I’d rather have people stab me in front of my face, than have them do it behind my back. But at the brink of losing everything else you have loved and believed in on a person for a long span of your life, I think I’d rather prolong the agony than lose him.
Stupid as it may seem, but that’s just how it is. I’ve been itching for confrontation, but I’m too afraid to know my answer. I’m afraid of knowing and realizing that I’ve been blinded, and that he’s just no longer the person I know and love. I know I always say that I’m a sucker for honesty, but this time, I’d rather believe that ignorance is bliss.
One thing I don’t like about myself is that I tend to hold grudges… for a long time. I tend to forget first, but never forgive. I know it should be the other way around, but that’s how it is with me. When someone upsets me, I will focus more on being mad at the person, rather than understanding where they’re coming from. But the thing is, I get crazily mad at people, but that almost never happens, but when it does, there’s just no stopping it. I will forget what you did to me, but I still won’t forgive.
I don’t want to be like that to people, so I always kill them all with the patience that I have, which I would like to believe is… boundless. I don’t wanna lose my patience and break down on people, specially on you. I don’t wanna lose faith in you. I’m afraid that when I finally know the truth, I can never forgive you. I don’t want you to feel my capacity of holding so many grudges at people.
Because right now, I can feel it. It’s slowly happening. I’m beginning to lose my faith and trust in you, and then as time went on, I feel like I’m not only losing you, but all the things about you that I’ve loved. People say I should just get on with my life and that you’re doing nothing but pull me down, but I still refuse to believe that. I still want to believe on the you that I know, on the you that I have faith in… but that’s just not the case anymore. I hope you know how hard it is specially now that I am beginning to lose my faith and trust in you. I really don’t want to, but it’s happening. I can feel it happening. I don’t know what to do to stop it now. I’m beginning to lose that feeling, and I just know that there’s no getting it back.
Part of me is tired. Part of me just wants to move on. But still, there’s that part of me that still holds on to you… the you that I’ve known and loved. The you that I’ve believed in. The you that’s just not there anymore.
“
When we’re kids, a friend is an easy thing to come by. A friend is someone who has the same sneakers on as you and shares a pb&j sandwich on the playground at lunch. A friend is someone you see every day, in neat rows in classrooms, copying off each others’ homework. It’s someone you’re sure will be there when you get off the bus, someone who is a constant in your life, something certain. And school, the cocoon of being placed in the same building day in, day out, and even put into small groups together to do projects, enables us to slip into friendships that have the time and the freedom to form naturally. We find people that are really just like us, who make us feel like we’re not alone in the world, and who stay with us through thick and thin.
And as we get older, and as school turns into classes scattered across a huge campus, and then evaporates completely from our lives — friends become harder to come by. Without the constant socialization and ample free time, a friend is something you have a hard time carving out of your busy life, something that can be dropped from the day planner between the commute home and a trip to the grocery store. It’s easy to find yourself nervous and anxious when meeting new people, or thrust into new social situations, because now finding and maintaining a friendship is something you’ll have to do on your own. It’s something that you’ll have to plan around, make time for, and stay on top of like you would a work project. If you want to see someone, and for them to become a serious part of your life, it’s going to take effort — and a decent amount of risk. It could be, like with a romantic partner that fizzles out after a few tepid dates, that you two just weren’t meant to be.
So often, we settle. In a new career, a new city, a new apartment, we find ourselves stranded in a life where we can’t just call someone up any time of day and go “hang out” like we used to. Making new friends is incredibly intimidating, and even just finding the time to nurture something can be far too taxing. But we fear loneliness, we fear being excluded — so we fill our lives with acquaintances. There are coworkers, whom you talk to, but you probably wouldn’t hang out with if you weren’t forced to socialize. There are neighbors, who have the alluring convenience factor, but often not a lot of substance. There are friends of significant others, who come into your life peripherally and rarely become deep friends of your own. Our lives become filled with brunches, happy hours, dinner parties, and cocktails with people who are nice enough, but with whom we wouldn’t share a secret. With whom we wouldn’t cry. With whom we wouldn’t laugh until our stomachs ached. They are simply people to move around with, people who fill your life and your social calendar, people with whom you pass some time because to not do so would make you rude, would make you strange.
We can go weeks, even months, only being around these people. We can get used to the idea that going out is as much about networking and maintaining appearances as it is about actually enjoying your time. There is a resignation to the general idea that socializing can often be work in a different form — a way to maintain the polite and potentially useful connections you have formed elsewhere. Getting a beer with someone after work hours is something you propose because it seems appropriate, because it’s simply what you do. So what if the conversation’s tedious? So what if you have nothing in common? This is what adults do, right?
But then, a friend comes back into town, or perhaps they just get a break in their newly-packed schedule. For whatever reason, the stars align, and you’re able to be with someone for whom words are not enough. Your friendship — your love — is contained in gestures, in unspoken inside jokes, in discrete looks that say everything, in hugs, and in tear-inducing laughter. You’re reminded of everything that a friend truly is, and the ease with which you can share everything and catch up, with which you can make each other laugh and fundamentally understand is almost unsettling. What have you been missing out on? Have you forgotten that, at one point in your life, you only made time for the people with whom you shared absolutely everything? That the idea of making brittle social engagements with people you know out of necessity would be absurd? It’s as though you’ve forgotten what a friend itself really is, how wonderful it feels, and how affirming it can be of all that we love about life.
Sometimes we don’t thank our friends enough — for being there, for loving us, for being able to exist in the sidelines because of distance or schedules but come back into our lives with full force when the opportunity arrives. Our real friends, whose love and humor can lie dormant for stretches but doesn’t simply die, often go unappreciated. We owe them so much, and they are such a huge part of who we are, but we can often forget that as we construct our own lives. And we’ll surely make new friends as we grow — and are done stumbling into adulthood and everything that comes with it — but they won’t be a replacement, and we shouldn’t forget that. We owe it to ourselves to thank the people who have been there for us, and who remind us that we’ll always be worth more than just a handshake and an empty “we should grab a coffee soon.”
” — CHELSEA FAGAN
The word is “differences.” Strange as it may seem, but I came to realize that it’s our individual differences that gauges our relationships and how we deal with other people. I used to think that if I will just set aside my own wants and needs in life so as to give way for that of others, then I am being the bigger and better person. But it just doesn’t work that way. I always do other people’s favors, even sometimes when I don’t really want to do them in the first place, but I’d still do it anyway, in hopes that by doing so, I am doing a good job of being someone’s friend. But in the end, it all boils down to honesty. To yourself, and to the people around you. If you will just bow down to the needs of others, and eventually forget about yourself in the process, then it just means that you’re not being true to who you are.
Life really ain’t that simple. It’s not always about compromise on your part, it has to come from other people as well. May it be from a lover, a friend, etc. May seem easier said than done, but sometimes you just need to think of yourself to avoid losing yourself in the process. It’s in the differences that comes compromise, and it’s in compromise that comes understanding. This will take a lot of time for me to fully absorb because all my life, I’ve been afraid of rejection….
I never tell people how I truly feel, in fear of not being taken seriously or of being rejected, and then eventually, being left alone. This is maybe why my past relationships all went downhill. The fault is on me, because I never did anything to fix things. I just pretended to be strong about things, and never tell other people that I’m hurting because I’m afraid that if I lose the happy persona that the other people have gotten used to when they see me, I’d end up losing my friends. I know it’s stupid, but that’s how I think sometimes.
Oh well, so much for my random thoughts for the day. I better stop writing now, or else I won’t stop writing at all. Pardon my nonsense. Just needed a way to vent for my random, fickle thoughts.
A lot of things have been going on in life lately, and there are times when I just can’t keep up with it anymore. I’ve been too busy trying to ignore my problems only to end up realizing that things are now beyond my control. I’ve always stood by the belief that it will all just fade away, that one day I will just wake up and find that everything was fine. But then again just now, I wake up realizing the opposite. Turns out, trying not to keep up with life leaves me with a lot more pain to be dealing with. It’s like the pandora’s box wherein you try to hide all the bad things in your life have one day, sprung open, leaving you with no other choice but to deal with it and just be strong.
I guess all I’m trying to say here is that, there’s nothing wrong with being hurt and trying to surrender to that pain. Trying to mask what you truly feel will only give you an even more hurtful pain in the long run. Like all wounds you get in your skin, let it bleed. One day it will all heal, and leave you with nothing but a scar to remind you of the pain you once felt.
It’s been a long time since I last posted an entry. I barely have the time to regularly update this blogsite like I normally do the last few months. When I have the time, I don’t think I have the energy to be crazy emotional, or be creative or even be flamboyant to write about anything. So I just chose not to just write for the sake of writing. But since it’s the new year and I think I have the energy for now, let me just go ahead and try to write something, not just for the sake of having an entry.
Just a question for all you guys. Have you ever felt as if you’re life, you’re every happiness, all that you hold dear in your life has been placed on hold because for a long time you’ve been waiting for that special someone, that Romeo, that knight geared in his sparkling shining armor to walk into your life and sweep you off your feet? And when he finally comes, tells you that he feels the same way and yet he’s just not ready to commit himself fully in fear of being a disappointment, or of hurting you in the process, and that he still has bigger dreams for himself and for the responsibilities he still needs to tend to, how are you supposed to feel about that? Are you supposed to feel glad that at the end of the day, the guy you think is right for you actually feels the same way that you do? Or are you supposed to feel scared of not ever imagining yourself with someone else? Scared of the thought that you have been unintentionally given false hope and that even though he loves you, he will never ever act upon those feelings, because his own dreams in life are bigger than his love?
How do you place yourself in this kind of situation? Do you just cry about it? Do you just talk this over with your friends, whose stories of love may seem a lot more miserable than yours making you feel guilty for even complaining at the first place? Do you just write about it and express it fully on your blogsite? Do you talk this over with the other person involved, with the fear of losing him completely in the process? Or do you just enjoy the moment, and just let the chips fall where they may for now?
Just simple questions…. purely hypothetical. :))
The title of the movie speaks for itself. It’s basically about 3 middle-aged men dedicated to their respective jobs… but let’s just say they’re not really so crazy about their bosses. In a one hypothetical discussion, Kurt wondered if his other friends ever fantasize about killing their bosses. That’s where the crazy idea of all the boss-killing-murder-consulting-mayhem begins.
The movie was actually very funny! It’s one of those movies where you just laugh all the way through to the end. All of the actors seem like their having fun and does play off each other very well. I must commend Jennifer Aniston as the sexual harassing boss. She was hilarious! I didn’t even recognize her immediately because I’ve always known her on her sweet, girl-next-door type of roles.
This is definitely a must-watch if you’re just looking for a good laugh and just pure fun. This can definitely put your mind off your actual stress from your work (even if the whole movie involves characters being stressed about their bosses).
In life, it doesn’t really matter how good your intentions are or how nice you are to the people around you. At the end of the day, people WILL always have something to say against you. People who care about you will always tell you to not let those “petty” things get to you. But that’s always easier said than done. It’s never easy knowing that even when you know you have put your best forward, some people will never actually approve of you.
But still, life goes on. As long as you still find happiness and as long as there’s still people who will believe in you no matter what, then all those naysayers can go ahead and say what they wanna say. ;)
too much excellence in this
(via hellyeahtomhanks)
Admit it: at one point in our lives we’ve all been stressed, depressed, insecure, and suicidal. This movie is a homage to all those natural feelings that we have encountered more than once in our lives. Oh, what I would give to live carefree just for one day without having to worry about the stress of being frowned upon, judged, and having to live up to the expectations of others.
Craig Gilner’s (Keir Gilchrist) life may seem to appear to look good on paper. He’s got a family who loves him, some good friends, the brains, the money, a good school and he’s even good looking. But somehow, he seems to have been caught up with having to live up to the standards that life has for him. He finds himself depressed at all times and at one time, suicidal. He checks in to a psych ward and ends up finding himself and appreciating life as it is.
At one point in our lives, we have been like Craig Gilner. On the outside, it may seem as if we’ve got life all figured out. But in reality, we don’t really know what we’re doing. We always look for more ways to be happy and always find reasons as to why our lives are not at all what it seems.
Pakibaba yung dyaryo please, hihi.