The word is “differences.” Strange as it may seem, but I came to realize that it’s our individual differences that gauges our relationships and how we deal with other people. I used to think that if I will just set aside my own wants and needs in life so as to give way for that of others, then I am being the bigger and better person. But it just doesn’t work that way. I always do other people’s favors, even sometimes when I don’t really want to do them in the first place, but I’d still do it anyway, in hopes that by doing so, I am doing a good job of being someone’s friend. But in the end, it all boils down to honesty. To yourself, and to the people around you. If you will just bow down to the needs of others, and eventually forget about yourself in the process, then it just means that you’re not being true to who you are.
Life really ain’t that simple. It’s not always about compromise on your part, it has to come from other people as well. May it be from a lover, a friend, etc. May seem easier said than done, but sometimes you just need to think of yourself to avoid losing yourself in the process. It’s in the differences that comes compromise, and it’s in compromise that comes understanding. This will take a lot of time for me to fully absorb because all my life, I’ve been afraid of rejection….
I never tell people how I truly feel, in fear of not being taken seriously or of being rejected, and then eventually, being left alone. This is maybe why my past relationships all went downhill. The fault is on me, because I never did anything to fix things. I just pretended to be strong about things, and never tell other people that I’m hurting because I’m afraid that if I lose the happy persona that the other people have gotten used to when they see me, I’d end up losing my friends. I know it’s stupid, but that’s how I think sometimes.
Oh well, so much for my random thoughts for the day. I better stop writing now, or else I won’t stop writing at all. Pardon my nonsense. Just needed a way to vent for my random, fickle thoughts.
